Tenet insanabile multo scribendi cacoethes
An inveterate and incurable itch for writing besets many
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Thou shall not tempt the Lord, thy God
Last year, while on the Long Retreat, I came down with a nasty stomach bug. So, while contemplating Christ's long fast in the desert, I too, was fasting (albeit for different reasons). The wind howled in a fierce storm outside. Even if I had felt up to walking, a walk would not have been in the cards. Even my hardy English neighbor gave it a pass. The setting was great for meditating on Christ's temptation -- though I wasn't tempted by food, there were other things that drew me away.
This week facing a medical test for which I needed to be sedated, I joked that -- in the midst of what has been a chaotic few weeks -- I would get a nap, and be out of the office for the rest of the day.
Thou shall not tempt the Lord. I just heard that Gospel read on Sunday, and you would think I would have listened more closely. Instead of a calm dreamy day at home, I ended up sicker than sick. My NYT rule precludes my giving any details, but suffice it to say even my 13-year old, who deeply enjoys things gross, decided he didn't want to hear about it either.
I remember wondering during the Long Retreat that -- since food was not in the least attractive at that moment, would I still be able to grasp what the tugs and pulls were in this scene? In the end, I suspect I had a deeper understanding. My own inadvertent fast stripped away the superficials and let me see that what tempts me most are not the momentary physical indulgences and comforts -- but the desire for certainty and predictability, a need for such spiritual comforts. What could and would I do, if I were willing to embrace uncertainty wholeheartedly in that realm?
This recent experience pushed me right back into the Exercises - confronting me once again that question, what would I dare if I were willing to step outside my comfort zone?
And I loved the bantering of the two protagonists -- all carried on in the language of the psalms.
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