"This is why most people don't stick with a contemplative discipline for very long; we have all heard all sorts of talk about contemplation bringing inner peace but when we turn within to seek this peace, we meet inner chaos instead of peace. But at this point it is precisely the meeting of chaos that is salutary, not snorting of lines of euphoric peace." Martin Laird OSA in Into the Silent Land
I'm on holiday at my dad's. Family time. Some lovely silent time, in my hermitage and standing out under the stars at night to pray. Floating in the pool. It sounds relaxing, and for the most part it is. But anxiety is pulling at the threads, puckering up my mind. The Boy ended up with an infected cyst (we've named it Bob). I spent time worrying about whether I should worry. At home, I would have called the pediatrician. Here, do I need to take him into town and find a clinic, or will hot compresses do the trick? (No...it needed antibiotics.)
Now our cat care person has phoned to say she is worried about the cat, who has apparently vanished in the house. There isn't anything I can do from this distance (other than ask a neighbor who knows the Fluff to check in later today...which I've done). I'm trying to be present to what is here, anxieties and all.